Written by Erika Preece
Admit it. We’ve all been enticed by click bait quizzes and ridiculous articles on the Internet such as “what type of bread are you?” or “a makeup quiz that reveals what age you’ll get married” (*actual titles seen online). So click away, friends, and let’s find out what your smoothie order at the Juice Truck TRULY reveals about you.
The Green Protein
*Exaggerated clapping* Well, look at you! Congratulations on being an athlete. You probably went to a 6 am spin class and now need that protein boost to get you through to post-work pilates. You likely have the latest Lululemon gear, your trainer is in your close circle of friends, and you silently judge people who spend their weekends “just relaxing”. Bonus points if you nix the medjool date in this classic bestseller smoothie, although that always makes us wonder if maybe you are a calculated serial killer.
The Blueberry Matcha
Matcha seems to be an acquired taste for some, so clearly you must be an exotic, enlightened being with a well-developed palate. The cacao nibs just add an extra level of self-realization. Netflix and chill? Please. Your idea of a Saturday night in probably consists of meditation, reading Kafka, and cooking a recipe you learned from the locals during a casual trek through the Himalayas.
The Strawberry Coconut
This creamy concoction is basically an adult version of the milkshakes you drank as a kid many summers ago. Sure, ours is clean and doesn’t have any “dairy beverage” in it, but obviously you have a foot planted firmly in the past. Your favourite activities likely include rollerblading the seawall, playing board games at Storm Crow, shamefully hiding your Pokemon addiction, and filling out adult colouring books. We salute you for keeping the dream alive!
The Green Smoothie
This one is a deception. Many people associate green smoothie drinkers with the epitome of health. Well, guess what! I know your secret. I know that your green smoothie habit is not to complement your clean eating ways. On the contrary, the green smoothie is the easiest and tastiest way to basically eat a big salad in smoothie form; thus making you feel healthy and light to justify the taco binge from the weekend. It’s cool, we don’t judge… just invite us on that taco binge next time.
The Banana Turmeric
Some “S” words to describe you, because who doesn’t love alliteration: sweet, sensitive, and slightly spicy. A Banana Turmeric type will lend the shirt off their back, but don’t you dare interrupt their zen time, talk badly about one of their friends, or mention that you don’t believe in climate change. Favourite hobbies include perusing farmers markets, volunteering, working out their spicy side in yoga, and listening to heavy rap behind closed doors. Appearances aren’t always what they seem, right?!
The Almost Chocolate
If this quiz also considered the signs of the zodiac, you would probably fit the description of a classic Scorpio. Mysterious, intense, and pleasure seeking, you are not the type to pass up one of the most delicious concoctions on our menu. You Almost Chocolate types are the ones who “don’t subscribe to labels of society”, a.k.a you probably won’t text back for a few months before sending a cryptic “sup?” But that’s okay, because you’re fun, and people appreciate when you’re around even if it’s fleeting.
The Tropical Green
Ah, friend. Why are you always wishing you were somewhere else!? This past winter in Vancouver was a doozy, for certain, but the public may be getting bored of your #TBT vacation pictures. Either invest in some cross-country skis to get you through, or finally make the move to Cuba with that resort staff member you met circa 2009 and won’t stop talking about. In the meantime, we’re okay with you binge-drinking this sweet and tangy smoothie while you listen to salsa music on repeat. Just put the photos away. And take us to Cuba if you go.
Coco-Matchas smoothies are basically the it-girl/boy/person of our menu. Brand-new, delicious, and pretty-looking, this smoothie is being snatched up by those seeking Instagram likes and a matcha-induced buzz that will last through the afternoon. If you’re a fan of our latest concoction, you likely exhibit some novelty-seeking behaviour and are usually the last to leave a party. We thank you kindly for the free hype, and make sure to keep coming back so you’re the first to know when even more recipes are released!
Erika Preece is a Vancouver newbie hailing from Waterloo, Ontario. Besides mastering her smoothie skills, you can catch her wearing a nerdy helmet biking the sea wall, feeding her friends, learning how to garden, or reading Tom Robbins.